I guess I’ve lost faith in humanity and myself. Everyone, EVERYONE has or will screw you over. Whether its lying, manipulating you to get their own needs, hurting you, yelling at you, thinking about others during sex, not being there for you, disrespecting you, taking advantage of you, or many of the other possibilities. Every guy I’ve ever been close to or loved has screwed me over in the end or throughout the whole thing. Yeah I’ve done my fair share of fuxkin up but at least I’ve taken responsibility for everything I’ve done. I stood up and said yeah I did that, I made a mistake and I’ve taken all the repercussions. Others don’t do tht. They try with all their might to hide what they do. How could he take advantage of me like that? And hes not the only one, how could you tell people to check out my cousin, but not say one word to me at my grandfathers funeral. But you know what, I can’t talk anymore. I’m not gonna go into the novel that is all the screwing over that has happened with multiple people, not just you. I made a few mistakes and now I can’t point fingers. I deserve all the hurt on this planet, I deserve the world to come crashing down on me. I can already feel it starting. I just hope I’m not buried too deep because idk if I have the strength to dig myself out again.

Please go be happy. Leave me here to deal with this. It’s my mess. Go with the girl who smiles back at you. That’s who you deserve.

It is so bittersweet to know are moving on and looking at others. Im glad because maybe you ll be so happy but bitter because I repeatedly fucked up the best thing in my life.

I do deserve to have to deal with myself and find a way to live through all this, alone. I started walking down this path and now there’s no turnin back. I have to walk it till my back aches and my feet are bloody and raw. Until I can no longer stand. That’s my fate and that’s what I deserve. I fell from grace and I fell hard.

I brought this on myself.